If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
my poor anus
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
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