Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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