So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Someone came in the potted fern
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
