Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
