Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Randomize
