i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Randomize
