god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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