Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Randomize
