your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
