He asked to "fluff my boner.."
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
