Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
