What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
