In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
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