i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
