How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
