so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
