i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
