i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
