he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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