my soul wont recognize me after tonight
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
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