So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
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somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
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Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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