I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
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