So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I didn't notice because vodka
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Randomize
