the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.