if only i could text you this smell
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.