it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
These 21 People Are Related To Famous Celebrities
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.