She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Semen is not good for contacts.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
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