Texts From Last Night

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  (716): View more from New York

  All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.

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  (716): All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world. http://tfl.nu/xqix
  Replies (10) Good night (1058) Bad night (2154)
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj

  (1-203): View more from Connecticut

  omg every time its on

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  (203): have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj (1-203): omg every time its on http://tfl.nu/6fsg
  Replies (25) Good night (3211) Bad night (1181)
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  (315): View more from New York

  i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love

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  (315): i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love http://tfl.nu/v9ss
  Replies (131) Good night (62644) Bad night (2547)
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  (214): View more from Texas

  i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.

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  (214): i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends. http://tfl.nu/1l9v
  Replies (4) Good night (686) Bad night (4178)
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  (785): View more from Kansas

  i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks

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  (785): i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks http://tfl.nu/ebeq
  Replies (64) Good night (1212) Bad night (5769)
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  (612): View more from Minnesota

  No subtext here. People are naked.

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  (612): No subtext here. People are naked. http://tfl.nu/tn4y
  Replies (7) Good night (4294) Bad night (843)
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  (707): View more from California

  You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative

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  (707): You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative http://tfl.nu/7tsg
  Replies (16) Good night (1273) Bad night (5779)
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  (307): View more from Wyoming

  I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."

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  (307): I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom." http://tfl.nu/5uyu
  Replies (20) Good night (4924) Bad night (1887)
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  (417): View more from Missouri

  You insisted on take shots off of plates.

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  (417): You insisted on take shots off of plates. http://tfl.nu/pa2s
  Replies (5) Good night (1818) Bad night (854)
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  (443): View more from Maryland

  Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.

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  (443): Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest. http://tfl.nu/68lv
  Replies (22) Good night (5551) Bad night (3420)
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.

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  (+44): Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people. http://tfl.nu/uumz
  Replies (25) Good night (6325) Bad night (1459)
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  (828): View more from North Carolina

  I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.

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  (828): I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know. http://tfl.nu/l3hv
  Replies (11) Good night (1156) Bad night (589)
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  (908): View more from New Jersey

  he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.

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  (908): he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn. http://tfl.nu/ku90
  Replies (6) Good night (1173) Bad night (565)
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  (602): View more from Arizona

  I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am

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  (602): I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am http://tfl.nu/mg4n
  Replies (4) Good night (693) Bad night (1070)
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  (402): View more from Nebraska

  Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter

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  (402): Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter http://tfl.nu/7i88
  Replies (1) Good night (754) Bad night (442)

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