Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis