I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
