why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Randomize
