Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
