I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
