oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Randomize
