i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Randomize
