Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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