I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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