Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
