Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
The beer is more important than you right now.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Randomize
