So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
