Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
