We named our party play list daddy issues
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
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