my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
