Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
