OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
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