oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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