Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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