her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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