she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
