So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
50% drunk capacity currently
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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