what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize