Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
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