Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
