On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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