Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
