she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
this just has baby written all over it
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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