I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
