I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
