I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
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But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
And then my night got REAL pukey
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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