Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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