Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
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