i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
