we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Randomize
