Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
