If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
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