Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
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Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
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Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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