New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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